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The Power of Two: Surviving Serious Illness with an Attitude and an Advocate

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Average Customer Rating:	4.5
Release Date:	2009-05-01
Publisher:	Workman Publishing Company
Author	Gerri Monaghan; Brian Monaghan
Number of pages:	288
ISBN:	0761152598
Language:	Unknown: English; Original Language: English; Published: English;
Weight:	1.17 pounds
Dimensions:	6.25 inches x 9.4 inches x 0.95 inches [Width x Length x Height]

Product Categories

Marriage; Family Health; Hardcover; Printed Books

Product description

The Power of Two has the power to change lives. This much-needed book combines an inspiring story of hope and survival with a compelling practical blueprint for how to be a loved one's advocate. And if ever there was a time when a chronically ill or disabled person needs an advocate, that time is now, with HMOs, the medical establishment, and patients in a chaotic free-for-all.

Brian Monaghan, a fifty-nine-year-old lawyer at the top of his game, got the news that all of us dread—Stage IV melanoma had metastasized to his brain; he was given three to six months to live. That night Brian and his wife Gerri made a pact: "We are going to love and laugh and fight this. And we are going to win." That was ten years ago. Between Brian's courage and attitude, and Gerri's determination to stand up for him—tirelessly researching options, reaching out to friends, family, and anyone who could help, resisting the status quo, and always thinking in terms of "we"—they did win. This book is the story of that journey, told back and forth between them. utterly riveting, inspiring, and uplifting, it is a road map for everyone facing a tough medical challenge, and for the people who love them.

Along the way, Gerri lists her top 50 tips for how to be an advocate: #1 Trust your intuition. #6 Create a battle plan. #15 Get copies of records. #26 Make doctors speak in a language that you understand. #49 This is not a dress rehearsal.

Customer reviews

« The Power of Two: Surviving Serious Illness with an Attitude and an Advocate »

We bought the book for our daughter-in-law and son, who has been diagnosed with a brain tumor as was the author. Our son has also been blessed with financial success so costs are not an issue, as with the authors. Also his wife has been in his life for 10 years, again, similar to the author's situation.

When they got the book they read it straight through and found it "encouraging". I think that says it all.

Rating: (5 out of 5) @ 2009-11-02

« The power of two »

I loved this book because it helped me to get all of my ducks in a row. I am very organized when we go to the doctor or hospital and can answer any of the doctors questions immediately with my notes. I have hope for my husband and I won't stop looking for new ideas if the care he is receiving doesn't work.

Rating: (5 out of 5) @ 2009-09-14

« Useful organizational and advocacy tips, but lacks important information »

The Power of Two is partially an autobiographical sketch of a prominent San Diego medical malpractice defense attorney who survived metastatic melanoma with the help of his wife, connections, a good attitude, and some incredible good fortune, and partially a how-to guide to advocate for a loved one who is seriously ill. The sketch is fascinating and five star worthy as these two people have gone through a ton and have sought to give back for their gift. Unfortunately, the how to guide isn't as good, with some fantastic organizational and advocacy tips but also a glaring lack of information on cancer, caregiving, and how to navigate the mess that is the health care system in the US without Mr. Monaghan's powerful base. As such, a reluctant 3 stars.

Mr. and Mrs. Monaghan are incredibly fortunate to have each other and for Mr. Monaghan to be alive after melanoma that metastasized to his brain over 10 years ago. The story of his survival is inspiring, and he and Mrs. Monaghan appear to really have been trying to give back with a book like this to attempt to help advocates and his devotion to charity work.

To an extent, they succeed. Within the 50 tips provided, there are some great organizational ones that nobody in the medical field would even consider recommending. Even better is the hope that the patient gets the underlying message of being assertive (but not arrogant) with the medical establishment - feel free to fire doctors and seek second opinions, understand that it's unlikely a doctor is aware of every treatment so the responsibility for making them aware of new research is on you, and pay very close attention to medical records and potential treatment and speak up when you think there's an error before it compounds. This is one of the few books that makes the extremely important points to watch out for hospitals in July (when new residents begin their rotations) and to try not to have serious procedures done over weekends and holidays.

Unfortunately, where it doesn't do so well is translating the Monaghan's experience to that of others. Some reviewers have commented on the wealth and connections Mr. Monaghan was able to draw on - for instance, he flew on the private jet of the owner of the San Diego Padres to MD Anderson and got in to see the former head of UCSF's neurosurgery department and schedule his initial surgery in a grand total of a single day, both of which are well beyond most mortals - but that criticism misses the larger point despite some slightly oddball advice like "hire someone to pay the bills" if they become overwhelming.

What's more important is that Mrs. Monaghan's experience in caregiving has been wildly different than most - partially because of her husband's privileged status, but largely because of Mr. Monaghan's rapid improvement from terminal illness and lack of chronic illness despite his later struggle with aphasia. As such the advice given will be only marginally helpful to most, since they've not experienced what most patients and caregivers go through. (As an example of how bad it is, some studies have suggested long term caregivers have a 95% rate of depression.)

Suggestions to aid people in those awful situations, along with alternatives like respite care, are entirely absent from the book despite tip #41 on taking care of the caregiver - and in fact, when Mr. Monaghan briefly appeared to potentially need long term care, Mrs. Monaghan immediately made a rapid decision to not provide caregiving herself and go through their savings and hire someone (much as they ended up doing with speech therapy). The lack of an overview on cancer is also noticeably absent and badly needed; it's very likely most non-professional readers have utterly no idea what a metastasis is and how traditional cancer treatment is supposed to work. One could argue that being open to attempt clinical trials and other non-traditional treatment is part of the point of this book, but even then a baseline overview written by an MD - especially with Mr. Monaghan's plentiful connections in the field - would have made this a far better book, since it's awful hard to tell what's good when you don't know what's bad, and more importantly, what's normal. (The fact that Mr. Monaghan's survival was pretty much based off a clinical trial that succeeded beyond any expectation without any explanation of when it's appropriate to get into them makes the omission a bit disappointing. Referring the reader to a government website and providing zero overview of the process is unfortunately inadequate.)

Finally and perhaps most importantly, Mr. Monaghan was by and large an active and helpful patient to his wife and to their credit, their relationship survived the strain with flying colors. Most caregivers are not so fortunate, and inability to deal with the stresses on a relationship when going through events like this is something that has driven more than one relationship into the ground. A couple of tips and stories of Mr. Monaghan having steroid driven rage help a little, but compared to a couple facing Alzheimer's or those dealing with a sick child, the experience they've been through just doesn't translate well.

Still, this is a worthwhile read for the organizational and advocacy tips and kudos to the two of them for writing it. Unfortunately, it's not going to help as much as it could and probably should. Perhaps someday someone will write that five star book; until then, 3 stars and best wishes to them both.

Rating: (3 out of 5) @ 2009-07-23

« Good Place To Start »

I personally am a recently disabled adult, who had a lot of friends and family support to help get me through the rough parts. I know I would never have made it on my own. You really do need a team to assist you because doing it yourself is near impossible.

This book is a part of your support team. I do not agree with every aspect within, some items will be out of date by 2012, that said if you think this book might help you -get it-

The items and to-do's inside as well as the outlines are priceless information that you'll learn as you go along. Remember, local laws, medical facilities, and more are huge variables... So view this as an outline to assist in how to cope and how to get answers to the thousands of questions that will pop up. It also has some decent advice on how to relate to those in your life that your new medical status will effect also, and how to really answer when those who care about you ask 'how can I help.'

I drop some stars for some of the tangents and views that had political and religious weight over that of what you need medically. It also assumes a huge financial ability not everyone has, nor access to many treatment types and even the ability to recuperate without job liability (something more and more an issue in 2009-2010). Do not take this as a negative review. If you have a serious medical issue, you have no experience with how to deal with it, read this. If you know someone or a couple who just got the bad news this week? Buy this for them, today. No matter the outcome they will thank you for it, and this book is perfect to pass on once you no longer need it.

Rating: (3 out of 5) @ 2009-06-26

« Finding Strength and Hope (and Help)--And Surviving "Terminal" Illness »

Brian Monaghan had Stage 4 (final stage) melanoma, surgery for two brain tumors, and the cancer had spread to his lymph nodes. Doctors said he only had a few months to live.

Instead, he beat the cancer and, ten years later, co-wrote this book with his wife--his champion and advocate who lived the struggle with him every step of the way.

The Monaghans realize that their story isn't a blueprint that everyone can follow when facing serious illness. Unfortunately, there is no blueprint for a successful medical outcome. However, they do believe that all people facing serious illnes (and, equally important, those closest to them), share many of the same fears and struggles that they did. They offer their experiences--and lessons learned (primarily about how to keep fighting when the odds seem against you and the importance of having an advocate who can learn how not to be intimidated by the medical establishment)--as a source of strength and encouragement for others.

Strength and encouragement, hope, assertiveness and knowing ways to help each other--these are valuable to everyone who has to deal with the often impersonal and dehumanizing medical process.

I recommend this book to anyone facing illness, or the illness of a loved one. I recommend this book to anyone going through difficult health times with a loved one and not sure what to say or do. Sharing the personal experiences and successes of others (even, as here, in the face of a supposed death sentence) can be so important in fighting serious illness. And, as the Monaghans, winning.

Rating: (4 out of 5) @ 2009-06-17

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